I remember wanting a friend. I remember late at night wishing I had strong arms to hold me. I remember writing him, not knowing who he was, or where- just because I wished I could talk to him. I remember longing for more. I remember feeling ready. But all those prayers never fell on deaf ears, and while I wanted to be impatient, I gave up all these things to Him. I spent some nights in tears, crying out, hoping He hadn’t forgotten me- but I let Him lead me to what He had in store. I had no idea it would unfold so wonderfully.
Sometimes, that desire for a companion can well up so intensely you almost feel miserable. It’s okay to desire something good so deeply. I did. Over and over, I had to turn that desire over to God and entrust Him with it. If you are single, please- do not despise your singleness. I know if you
have the desire for more, it can be hard- but listen, singleness is such a
special time.
Take it from a young woman who spent 25 years single, had one break-up, and married her best friend less than a month ago. I love being married; but coming back to where I spent most of my time single, I was reminded of the sweetness of that time. I wish I could speak to the girl I was and reassure her how beautifully God had everything planned out. But then, I realize- isn’t that what He whispered in those moments to me?
Yesterday, I took the familiar wide open road to visit the home
I grew up in. My parents weren’t home, so I cleared the table and took my
favorite spot in the kitchen. I spent so many mornings there –every morning
there- with God, studying the Bible, alone with Him. Feelings rushed to me
being there again.
Not very long ago,
this was my home.
I sat at this very
table and spent time with You.
My Bible open, right
along with my heart, You were my Best Friend.
Many times, my only
friend.
You never abandoned
me.
You always understood
me.
You loved me and I loved
you, deeply, fully, without reservation.
I remember one January
spending hours every day, that entire month, just feasting on learning from
You. I was learning a lot about being a godly woman, about godly relationships- I felt challenged. I was so hungry for more. There was nothing I was holding back, no area I didn’t open up to you. I grew so much. Truth was pouring into me and saturating my
life.
I’m still close to
You.
But a lot happened
between that time, those moments with You, and today.
I’m married, I have a
new home, another Best Friend, it’s not only me and You now.
Yet I’m back at this
table, wanting that same friendship as fiercely as before.
Not because I’ve lost
it.
But because the I miss
the girl I was in those days.
Perhaps it was the innocence between the hurt. Before I experienced the pain of trusting my heart to someone else.
Before any man had
touched my heart or soul- when I was only Yours.
Not because Kyle
doesn’t love me well, but because no man has ever loved me as perfectly as You-
And no man can love
without it being broken.
I miss the safety of
being single, the purity of keeping myself only for God, the sacredness of You
knowing me best.
Yet how You’ve revealed Your love for me through giving me such a gift in Kyle. Yet how You taught me about Your truth and nature and heart for me through the times I was met with the opposite. How clear it is to me what Your love looks like. Through heartbreak I learned better ways. My eyes were opened to my own depravity, my need for grace, the depth of it You extend to me, and the forgiveness that doesn’t play favorites. If I hadn’t been through a breakup, I wouldn’t have grown in ways I needed. The brokenness was used to make me whole.
You used it all for good.
But here I am, having all I could dream, and wanting still-
Because still, my heart yearns for You.
Nothing and no one, still, ever compares to You.
You don’t get married and everything is good now- because we were created for more than another human heart can satisfy. We were created for an infinite God with infinite love for us!
If you think, being single, dating, or engaged that all your issues will just go away if you were just married already- know that the main purpose of marriage is to sanctify you.
Exactly the same thing God is doing when you are single.
There is nothing to covet in being married as opposed to
being single. Be content where God has you! It is good. It is meant to be enjoyed. Find your joy there, in Christ. Because if you can’t find your joy in Christ while being single, let me just confirm it will just as difficult when you are married. Let Him be your source of joy. Don’t make a relationship your goal. Make your heart resting in Him, closeness with Him, your desire.
Everything is good for our growth in God’s perfect timing. The
wrong timing brings a different kind of growing- one that’s painful. Don’t seek
something for the pleasure. Every other pleasure will fade away and not fully
satisfy if you idolize it, no matter how desirable it may seem. There is no pleasure greater than knowing
God. The safety of singleness or marriage, they’re both good. The delicate
balance of what you pursue between is the hardest. In marriage, there is only a
new level of relationship shared, one where the bond is greater. Because you
are not just one, you are one with someone else. It’s not one plus one plus God
equals three. It’s one plus one equals one plus God equals one. You all are
striving for one. There’s nothing like that, relationally, until marriage.
That’s the main difference between being single and being married and your
relationship with God.
I love my husband. I love being married! I love loving God
with my husband. I love being one with him, and seeking to have one heart with
God together. There is so much beauty in growing together. There’s probably
nothing more awesome than when you feel one. One mind, one spirit, one heart,
one desire, one purpose, one physically. When you marry, you both are two different people and
it takes work to become one- it’s not automatic. “One” doesn’t mean the same
person, it more means in agreement, not separate or divided. I’m not going to
be Kyle, he is his unique self. He is not going to be me, either- he can’t. But
together, we balance and complement each other in a way that were one is weak,
the other’s strength plays in. This is how we serve each other. This is how we
work as one together. And it’s a beautiful picture of how God sustains both of
us in loving each other- where we are weak, He is strong.
You don’t want to desire the right thing at the wrong time.
You don’t want to be distracted with the wrong thing in the right time. You want to trust
God’s timing and seek Him every step of the way. If you are demanding Him to
bring what you want to you, chances are you not being patient with His timing. I know it’s hard, it was hard for me. Still, you can trust Him. If you have given up, chances are you are doubting His ability to fulfill that
desire. Have hope. Leave that hope in His capable hands. He can do way better
than your plans for yourself. I promise.
I’ve forgiven and healed from the times I’ve gotten hurt.
I’ve learned from the times I suffered. The best advice I can pass on is always
turn toward God. Never stop. If you have to, run to Him. He’ll catch you. He’ll embrace you. He’ll comfort you. If you need anything, Jesus is the one you need to look to. He always
loves you, He cares for you, He’s going to be there. Also: never, ever believe
the lies that come to you when you’re weak. Tell them to shut up, and shut them down immediately. Don’t even ponder them, don’t give them room. Reject them. Speak the truth instead. Repeat it
and stand firm on it. Lies will destroy you from the inside out and mess with
your perception. Don’t even let them in.
Marriage is vulnerability. Marriage is not stapled by being alone or keeping your heart hidden. It’s laid bare, swung wide open- and you not only entrust it to God, but also to the care of your spouse. That’s a wild adventure!
If you are single, enjoy the sweetness of that time. It can be sweet. Be alone with God. Grow. Learn contentment. If you are dating, don’t idolize that relationship and stay free in God’s will for you. If you are engaged, keep accountable and patient. God has good for you. He is the greatest love you will ever enjoy, so get lost in that and let Him care for you. He’s got you.
